I’ve had a very special person in my life almost all of my life who is no longer physically present on this plane. His leaving me was something that I had tried to prepare for but… It seems to me that no matter how I tried, I was still unprepared for his death. BUT then, how does one prepare for a loved ones death?
In my culture we don’t really teach or prepare people for the passing of a loved one. We offer condolences and platitudes. What I do know is that the pain of loss is great even though I know that he is out of pain and no longer suffering. My head knows this, my heart is having a hard time getting in sync and letting go.
I remember being a skinny little girl when he came into my family by marriage to my sister. He was a gentle, caring man though not highly educated but could fix anything. At the age of twelve he taught me how to read blueprints. He’d come to my house on Sunday and we’d go through the Sunday paper together looking for the blueprint for that day. Those were times I treasure.
Moving forward, I grew up and went away to school never to live there again. However, going back at Christmas and other times throughout the years he was always there to ask “how are you doing” and was really interested and cared about my answer.
When he retired, he took up cooking–something he had never done. To my and others surprise, he became quite good at making traditional dishes. He even mastered cooking collard greens! His greens were so delicious that he was in charge of making them for one family Thanksgiving Dinner. Thanksgiving is the time my siblings and I share dinner with other friends and in-laws. Everyone raved about his greens. He was so proud!
Paul Columbus Lee was not a complicated man. He was a hard worker and believed in helping where he could. He didn’t talk much but what he said carried weight and had meaning. He touched many lives with his generosity and caring spirit. He is truly missed.
How did you cope when you lost a loved one?
My Dear Inez,
Earth has no sorry, that heaven can not heal. As you may remember, this past December I lost my nephew (41yrs old) suddenly. This was the most recent family loss. But God has removed grandparents, parents, all my siblings and many other relatives in the past 20+ years. I can’t even count the numerous friends. Nevertheless, I’m still here. Extended family and friends have been a great source of support, but even greater than that…God Himself have dried my tears. Good memories, replace tears, love remains and replaces grief and allowing yourself to feel what you feel, soothes the pain. I will continue to keep you and your sister and other family in my prayers. Love and Hugs – Rosemary – Chicago Life Expressions Coach.